Letting Go Of Fear

It’s 1 degree in there.

A truly transformational experience. 

This felt like coming home within my body. 

This state exists within all of us. The I Am state, a space of coherent resonance where disorder, disease and trauma do not exist. 

We get here through surrender. 

I didn’t know I needed to do an ice bath. 

When I first stepped up my entire body was shaking. Terrified. I focused on my breath and lowered myself in. 

When I was 18 I went into anaphylactic shock after swimming. 

A friends neighbour was a doctor. He broke into the local doctors surgery and came back to administer adrenaline to me. 

I was covered in hives and I was diagnosed with a condition – Cold Urticaria. Literally meaning being allergic to being cold.  

I was told that when people get cold their blood cells contract, whereas when I got cold the blood cells expanded and that blood wasn’t going to my vital organs so I passed out. 

I was told that if I went swimming or to the snow I would die. 

I spent the best part of the next decade not swimming. 

I carried an adrenaline shot and wore a medical bracelet. I wouldn’t just react to being in the water, but physically being cold. 

My condition got worsened and I was told stem cell regeneration was the only option, with high risk. 

Then life got worse. I was hit by a car as a pedestrian suffering brain and spinal damage. Mostly incapacitated for the next 13 months. At which point I started with a new rehabilitation team, who told me I needed to learn to meditate. 

I learnt Vedic Meditation and it changed my life. Giving my mind and body that opportunity everyday to deeply rest, restore, repair and recover, and come out of stress mode, was the most powerful thing I’ve ever done. 

I was given a medical label, but ultimately my nervous system was stuck in a state of stress. The body and our experiences being a print out of our internal state of consciousness. 

The first time I went swimming in a bikini, I was at Bronte beach, on my own, floating on my back, so happy I was laughing. 

I live at the river that almost killed me. My absolute favourite way to start the day now is to paddle across at sunrise and surf here. I started my new year doing that every single day. 

And I love it. 

We call this a Karma to Kriya experience. 

Karma, meaning a binding experience of the past. 

Kriya, being an evolutionary, supportive experience. 

Karma to Kriya being a liberation. A freedom. 

That’s how I feel now. 

Ultimate liberation. 

For most of my life I was in a body, with a mind, that was completely overwhelmed by life. 

At the beginning of the year I dedicated my Monday’s to myself. I set the intention that I would spend these days on my own self expansion and evolution. 

Our instruction with our meditation practice is yogastha kuru karmani – establish in being, perform action. Go into that quiet still place within meditation, where the mind and body can rest, repair and recover, and then launch out into life. 

I was in that ice bath for 3 minutes. And another 3 minutes the following day. And two more since. 

This is a picture of the very first time. 

Half-way through the second ice bath I felt my body completely relax and it felt like my whole being my was smiling from the inside out. 

I went surfing the following days afterwards and my body felt freed up like never before. That it had let go of so much fear it was holding onto that I wasn’t even aware of. 

A few days later I went out in massive surf. I hesitated about going in, because the guys that were out there were getting smashed around, but laughing about. I jumped in and got smashed around too. And I laughed about it too. And realised, for the first time, that there wasn’t a voice inside of my head telling me that I might die. A voice I had lived with for almost 20 years, unaware. 

This has been such a big, beautiful, letting go.  I’m so grateful for very talented practitioner friends that have held my hand along the way. 

My heart is full and I feel free! 🤍

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